Days

Pharmaceutics is a complete devastation. No further comment on that. It makes me wonder, is Pharmacy my cup of tea?

I just don't understand why. Although I was rather nervous and I think the first half of my paper was initially a ruin, I thought I managed to check back and changed. I don't know what was I doing yesterday, I just couldn't concentrate on the calculation. Wouldn't it be too fast to give me a 'death sentence'?

Anyway, it's just a sad sad day. I don't like today. Say no no to Thursday and Friday. Monday and Wednesday are long days. Thursday marks the coming of Friday and Friday, I have no reason to like it. Saturday and Sunday should be a relieve, but they will never be.

Th@nk You...

Finally, the first number of my age changes. (Don't ask what is my age la... Girls, paiseh ma...=P)

Special thanks to:
Yi Hong - "Slept" at 11pm huh? I thought I would ignore you the next day if you really slept at 11pm. Haha... Also, thanks for keeping me company the whole day, and the lunch. But you, ruined my mood half way. Hng! But since you did so many things for me, ok la, I will forget about it. =P

Zhi Hui, Hooi Lie, Michelle - Thanks for the cake and the first surprise. Err, when did David Foster uploaded the calculation tutorial and where is it?

Amreet, Kiing, Siew Mei, Pei Pei - Thanks for baking the cake, a nice one! =)

Chuen Lu - Thanks for the chocolate.

Valerine - The green pants is really cool. Haha...

Sie Ching, Jia Yi, Jenny, Chuen Lu, Kiing, Siew Mei, Pei Pei, Amreet, Xin Yee, Shin Yin, Kelly, Jien, Yi Hong, Michelle, Hooi Lie, Zhi Hui - Thanks for sacrificing your beauty sleep at night. It's great having every one of you here!

Jien (a.k.a. papa), Jeremy, Amreet, Pei Pei, Siew Mei, Kiing, Jenny, Jia Yi, Sie Ching - The present is really awesome, thanks a lot!

Last but not least, thanks for all the wishes and thanks for remembering my birthday. I really appreciate it. =)
It'll never be the same without you guys!

PS: There is no sequential meaning with the names.

Too Special

PENANG: The state government has declared a public holiday on Tuesday (26th August 2008) “to ensure a full turnout of voters for the critical Permatang Pauh by-election”, Chief Minister Lim Guan Eng said (TheStar 2008).

However, I'm in Australia, not Malaysia. And I encounter two contrasting situations:
Penang: By election and PUBLIC HOLIDAY.
Adelaide: Pharmaceutics calculation test on Wednesday, Statistic practical test on Thursday and Chemistry test the following Monday.

In conclusion, it will be a hectic week from this week till next Monday.

Reference:
TheStar 2008, 'By-election: public holiday for Penang', viewed 24 August 2008, <http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/8/24/nation/20080824170219&sec=nation>.

After 20 Years...

Just a random thought. It's 105 days away from 05122008 - the day I'm going back to Malaysia!! I couldn't believe it. It feels so fast as the day when I first arrived in Adelaide was like yesterday. Out of sudden, memories fly into my mind.

The day I received JPA's letter gave me smiles and tears. Smiles, for I know I am finally being granted the chance to study overseas. Tears, for I know I will be leaving home, a place where I was brought up for the past 18 years. My hometown is filled with memories, good and bad alike. There, I learned how to speak and write for the very first time. I fell, and I got up time after time. I cry, I laugh, I frown and I smile.

At times, I thought of giving up, I wanted to run back home. But there is a force which keeps me going all these while - I want a change, and I want to achieve something by myself.

Now, seven months have gone. I have been here for seven months and of course, started to get used to the life here. Cooking, groceries and studies... Nonetheless, living on my own has taught me great lessons about life and people.

From the day I start to learn:
Water is a transparent liquid.
All living things need water to survive.
Water makes up 70-75% of our total body weight.
Water is make up of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atoms.
Covalent bonds hold the elements together to form water.
Water molecules are held together by hydrogen bonds.

And recently, water can feel and form different crystals. It may be just a coincidence, it may be a myth but I choose to believe, do you?

Heart Dissection vs Pharmaceutics

Everyday has been busy. Being loaded with lectures and tutorials gives me nothing but work. Well, besides knowledge perhaps.

Last week, I had a sheep's heart dissection. Before the dissection, I NEVER had a chance to operate on such yucky thing before, not even a full chicken. So this can be considered as the first time I handed something like this, with gloves of course. My first impression towards the heart was: It Stinks!!! Cold and sticky... Next, I will leave the story telling job to the pictures below.

Before the dissection, we (I and my lab partner) tried to identify the major arteries and veins of the heart and of course, the ventral and dorsal regions of the heart.

Now, let's get started. We began the dissection from the dorsal region, making the cut through left atrium and left ventricle parallel to the interventricular septum. The above picture shows me holding the heart after the cut. It was amazing to me that the tiny valve can actually hold on to such a large amount of pressure. It did not tear off although I tried hard pulling them apart.

I had a pharmaceutical mock test just now. It was a mere 20 minutes test but I started to doubt my ability to complete all the questions in time. For those who do not know, it was a test involving general mathematical calculation to determine the amount of drug to be given to the patient at right concentration. In short, it was another form of more complicated Mathematics test. The most cruel part of the test is - no mark will be awarded to workings if the answer is wrong. Reason: Making a mistake while prescribing can be disastrous, and it cannot be undone by all means.

I should stop now.

^^

Of Parts And Pieces

In case if any of you wonder what happened to my previous posts, I would say that so far it was the hardest week in Australia for me. Although I haven't fully recovered yet, I hope the memory will be washed away as time passes by. I will think of it in this way: peaks and troughs are essence of life, and they are the things that make life interesting. *If you haven't already known, please don't ask. Not because I don't want to tell, I just don't know how to tell.*

Looking at the brighter side, I'm happy for there are still people who wish to be my listener when I need them. The darker side would be, the same old feeling is making its way back. Being leftout, being alone, I feel like shutting myself against the rest of the world again. To be exact, it was nobody's fault. If ever there was someone to be blamed, I would be the first in the list. Arghhh, this is so stupid. I'm NOT going to ruin myself anymore. Be strong!!! And say goodbye to fragility!

They say rainbow comes after the rain. But after the rainbow, there is rain again. It's like a repeating process without an end. And it's going to go round and round, haunting me again and again for uncountable days and months. Where is my old self? Where is the once courageous and strong girl? Neither tears nor words could solve the problem. And the only solution arises from the heart. Happiness is not far away, it's in your heart.

Life is growing hectic. Test is coming and I haven't study much yet. This week I did something disgusting - dissecting a sheep's heart. Nothing much to say but the only thing I could remember well is the stinking smell of blood in the lab. Got to stop here. Wish me luck.

Race

Feeling rather tired after one whole day of race,
I'm physically still but mentally moving.
My mind, my heart and my effectors,
they are not doing me favour
as intuition and conscience act differently.

I know the way:
It is to think mindfully.
I know this is not right,
yet I'm trapped in my own web.
I envy, I jealous
and I wonder why.
I'm so going to ruin myself.

WHY?

Why the problems?
Why the troubles?
Why?????!!!

I can't do anything.
My mind is out of control.
It feels like every part of my body is not coordinating.

I want to run.
Run to a place where there are no THEM.
And yes, you are right, I am not calm.

I Walk

I walked

along the quiet corridor

where there was no one else except me.

I walked

down the crowded street

where I jostled my way to the end.

I began my journey

with something stuck in my heart

I reached my destination

with the pieces of memory remains in my heart

and it remains

for it will be there

and it seems to be

forever.

I Dissected An Earthworm!

First Bio prac in this sem, first dissecting experience, and first time being scolded for plagiarising. =.=

First Bio prac: Remember my lab coat and covered shoes so that I won't be punished to wear coat of shame and "trendy" white boots.

First dissecting experience: While reading through the lab manual, I imagined how yucky it will be to operate a worm. Silently, I thought of leaving the dissecting work to my lab partner. =P BUT... What is the point of attending the prac without dissecting the worm???? In the end, I decided to try it out myself. *Applause to myself* Hahaha... Here is how I went through the whole process: Identifying the dorsal surface, cut through the body wall, pinned the cut edges... Surprisingly, I didn't touch the worm, not even once!!!
To the pity worm: Sorry and I had tried my best not to destroy your body parts.

First time being scolded for plagiarising: So far this is the first time I was running out of time to complete my write-up report in the lab. Eventually, I resorted to copying the labels from my friend. This is how it happened:
*tap tap*
(Somebody tapped on my shoulder.)
Me: (Turning my head over, I saw the demonstrator, which will then be represented as Mr. S. Sensed that something was not right, I didn't say anything.)
S: What are you doing here? Are you from this table? Do you know that it's not right to copy your friend's work?
Me: ......

ME vs YOU

Where is my spirit?
Where is my determination?
Where is my motivation?

I need to recover my confidence and enthusiasm for everything. For now, I tend to leave the crowd and be alone. Sometimes the feeling is just indescribable. I had a series of emotion flow since early of this year. When I reached here, everything was perfectly new and interesting. Thus, I had never been tired of outings and activities. Gradually, I feel bored. Bored with what? Or who? I'm still trying to figure out. Consequently, I prefer to stay away from people and activities. This sounds so pessimistic. =(

And I'm here trying to confront... Where are my spirit, determination and motivation?

This is just the beginning of the semester. And I always feel that I have lots of things to cover. From Biology to Chemistry, from calculation to communication, they seem to be... A LOT. I know I should be studying right now but I just couldn't help it, especially when I'm holding the notes on skeleton. I was the latest to wake up today, and I'm still wasting time here. There are many hardworking people out there. They study before the beginning of the semester, and wow... They seem to be very fast. Do I lose my track or are they too fast? I thought I should read with pleasure and study for my own knowledge. And yes, it's true.

Humans talk. But they talk when they are not you. They say that they are angel and you are the devil. How would they know that what they say are perfectly concordance with what you think? They make you their slaves while they are the king and queen. The reality of life is like that, but sometimes I wonder, at this stage of life, are there king and queen? Or we are just equal? Maybe this is what we call pride. Attempting to lead a normal life, with pride and flattery blossoming around me, do I equal to them or do I stand on my own? Sometimes I also wonder, am I just like one of them? (Just that I do not realise.)

Continuation Of Uni Life

It has been one week since uni reopened. A few days before uni reopened, I actually looked forward to it. (I know this may sound a little unbelievable.) Anyway, I know it is time to buckle up and concentrate on my studies before assignments and lecture notes pile up on my table.

So far, the first week had been busy for me although there weren't any tutorial or practical. I guess this was partly due to the fact that most of us were still in holiday mood. *I watched The Dark Knight on Thursday.* The real heroes is not the one who present themselves in front of the stage but the one who sacrifices himself for the good of the others.

Last but not least, the highlight of this week is Malaysian Carnival 2008. As usual, there are Malaysian food, Malaysian culture shows etc. etc. The event was held at Elder Park. I like Torrens river!!! It's green, peaceful, calm and FREEEE!!!