My Confession

We just received some news about preparations before flying, i.e. measuring blazer, medical checkups, visa application, BTN, psychology test, etc. I’m pretty sure that these will take up approximately 8 days of my remaining time in Malaysia.

Time flies, it really does. I still remember vividly how much I hate being here, how much I wish I could go overseas like some of my friends, and it feels like yesterday when I was still wearing school uniform in PCGHS. Now that leaving is imminent, thousands of thoughts come into my mind. I’m worried. I’m not sure whether I will be able to cope with the completely new environment besides excelling in my studies. I never learn to be independent. I rely on my mum for all the heavy washings such as blanket and bed sheets. I hate cooking and my skill is definitely limited. I turn to my friends when I couldn’t make decision. As a matter of fact, I’m really an indecisive person. I’m forgetful and sorry if I forget your name seconds after you telling me about that. I’ve little sense of direction and I really feel sorry for it. After one and a half year staying in Shah Alam, I still don’t know which direction I should go at KTM station. The only thing that I could remember is the way from Akasia to INTEC and vice versa.

I was a complete noob when I first reached Shah Alam. There was this stupidest thing I had done during orientation week and I told few people about it. I couldn’t differentiate between Cemara and Akasia and I actually entered Cemara only to find out about it when I realized that the staircases are different! I had always follow people back to Penang and I never dare to board the bus alone until recently. Still, I did a ridiculous mistake for heading South instead of North during one of my trips back to Penang. I don’t know why I’m writing all these but these memories flood into my mind just in time for me to jot them down. The bliss I felt the first time I reach home after going to Shah Alam is certainly a lifetime memory for me. We went through a lot, all the way from Shah Alam to Puduraya and there were some problems with the tickets before boarding the bus. By the time we reached Penang, it was already midnight. I did not get sufficient sleep but it was worth all the efforts. Special thanks to Chee Keong, Sheng Yu and Zi Yi, you guys had helped me a lot during my adjustment period for life in Shah Alam. (I know I bullied you guys coz I always asked you people to buy bus tickets for me) And of course, thanks to everyone, including friends in Penang and Shah Alam and my fellow family members for your unconditional supports.

I’m not being sentimental or what. This piece of work is written out of gratitude and thankfulness. I had been complaining for not getting a direct course all these while. I thought I could do better; I thought I should go to somewhere better; I thought this is just unfair. Sometimes I wonder why some people are born with silver spoon in his mouth, and why some get what I wished for easily while I need to work hard for it. Yes friends, sometimes I do feel being neglected and I envy people who own things that I dream for. As I grow up, I realize that there’s always a limitation. I may not get what I want but there are lots of people outside who are dreaming to own what I have! I may not be perfect but in the eyes of those who care for me, I’m just nice. The world may be cruel to me but what’s the meaning of life without these little pebbles decorating the paths I had walked past?

This was the entry I was trying to produce on New Year Eve but the inspiration didn’t come. So here it goes…